It’s been a very cold night and that has drifted into the day. The Powerball has been won. The 6 digit winner was found in California to be a mild-mannered woman who seems to be very responsible fiscally and morally.

This is an enormous problem for the American people who deserve to have a winner who is able to live out the rest of their ‘then’ short lives due to excessive partying and bad decisions.

Gone are the days of lottery members purchasing too many cars and then proceeding to do a lot of drugs and people (women, men, either or.) Now are the days of watching the winners invest appropriately and live modestly and comfortably in a lifestyle we could possibly afford with the last 5 years of our lives maybe.

But, in light of optimism. Congratulations to the winner of an enormous sum of money based on arbitrary luck and a two-dollar down payment. Maybe you can purchase some toilet paper to further wipe your ass after shitting all over my dreams.

More about the Powerball winner.

Drew American is not bitter.