A small town in Texas has officially confirmed a case of Measles in a small child. The mother who has admitted that she did not vaccinate her child had this to say after she put down her frappuccino:

“I know that my family, church and homeopathic physician, will be able to overcome this case. Until then, I’m going to make sure that my child stays in bed and say his prayers because clearly he must have sinned to receive God’s specific wrath.”

A mother has come forward who lost her child from Measles around 70 years ago and said that the mother “is absolutely right. My little Richard used to kick boys in the shins, and then he got the measles and passed.”

The 90-year old woman then went on to say from her wheelchair “Vaccines have never worked, we just became stronger, if you were one of the tough ones, like me…. you would have beaten it and only lost your legs!”

The woman then went on to die several minutes later from being very, very old. But for right now, we have our best news team watching the child day and night, slowly slipping the vaccines into his food.


Babbage Chootypoo takes regular injections into his arm, so that he may return to the plane that he belongs on.