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The Death of Java

Oracle had invited us out on short notice, we knew that we had to be there but we were missing a hot new interview with HTML5 and the new hot diet she was on. Oracle had the decency to hail a car for us and we were quickly rushed to the nearby hospital.

Oracle was there with Javascript waiting by the doorframe. The slow beeps of the machines as Javas lungs were artificially having life pumped into them. Oracle sees us when we walk in and I ask the cameraman to wait outside. It was just the three of us, the air was still.

Oracles hand rested on Javas head and the machine, his thumb gently resting next to the power off button. Oracle looks to me, and then to the plug set in the wall. Oracles head turns once more, his finger leaving the button, he bends over and tugs the pillow out from under Javas head.

With his other hand he wipes away the mask and replaces it with the pillow. Java struggled weakly for a very short minute, the pillow dampening itself with Oracles tears until the movements stopped. Javascript put its hand on Oracles shoulders and they left. I stayed there as the nurses tried to resuscitate the dead script. But it was gone. It lived a good life.

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Taylor Tinker does not believe in euthanasia, but it’s a f****** coding language, get over it.

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