Time has split from Warner Bros and decided it’s going to do it’s own thing. It doesn’t need no man dictating it’s life and it’s ready to hit the town and be young and hip again. Time runs into Viant, the online marketing company, they share similar interests and decide “Hey, let’s get together.”

Suddenly, Viant is like “Oh btw, I have kids.” And Time is now stuck like “Okay… cool…. what’s it’s name.” Viant is all like “Myspace.”

So now Time owns the fortune that is Myspace and is planning great things with Myspace, it’s going to treat it like one of its own children and stamp advertisements all over it.

Viant comes home from work one day to find Myspace with duct tape over its mouth and asks “What’s wrong sweetie?” But not before Time comes around the corner and closes the distance “Nothing honey, we were playing, how’s work?”

Viant sets down her bags reluctantly, this has never quite been this way before but Time senses this and places its finger over her mouth, shushing her gently. “We were only playing, perhaps you would like to step out for a moment and grab us dinner? Let’s order pizza.” Viant nods quietly and Myspace lurches forward as she leaves.

Time sits down on her knees and forces a smile, slowly removing the duct tape. “Now, can you say ages 13 to 17?” Myspace nods gently.

More about the Time and Viant merger

Harry Buhte is a huge fan of fifty shades of grey, but thinks fifty shades freed was overwritten.