Feminists are in an uproar because a “controversial” butt slap that was removed from a game, has been hacked back in with a simple ‘fix.’ This is upsetting for most people because they believe it to be degrading to women as a gender. I however, disagree.

I asked around at my dojo about what sort of benefits an ass-slap might do to somebodies defenses and my sensei told me the truth.

“To slap the ass, is to spark the fire in your jutsu.”

Similar to war parties psyching themselves with chanting and paint, spanking the bare ass before hurling it at an opponent is not only a method of intimidation, but an exciting adrenaline rush because you are sending your most exposed region and reddening it to resemble the face of an angry, screaming child.

Similar to placing sriracha on your balls or the lauded ‘red nips’ style, they are slow burns that gradually raise the blood pressure until the fighter becomes one with rage and pain. Please Capcom, bring back these ancient traditions.

Tweet about the Fix

Babbage Chootypoo totally got this from Reddit.