Famous professional Maria Sharapova has been sharing some recent ‘manscaping’ advice trends on instagram but was able to take a break, tuck her weener in and make an important announcement.

“I am positive for drugs.”

The tennis player adjusted her enormous bulge today to announce that when she competed in the recent open competition that she was indeed downing an immense amount of HgH, Horse Testosterone and Marijuana.

“We have a strict no-marijuana policy at the competition and will be sitting down with us for an expensive repeal.” The chairman announced this while Maria was in the other room, both were strapping into their leathers, while Maria was buffing the wood on her paddle labeled “Administrative Punishment.”

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Scott Tick is down with anything, two times the fun and everything.